Charles City family welcomes newest sibling home during National Adoption Day

By Kate Hayden, khayden@charlescitypress.com

Now that Jiles, age 2, is growing up with four older sisters, he’ll be seeing a lot of purple and pink toys in the house.

“He’s just surrounded by it,” joked mom Brandi Lantz.

Brandi, who runs her own hair salon at home in Charles City, has a lot of ponytails to do as she and her husband, Daniel, raise a family. But it wasn’t always like that for the couple: the two adopted all five of their children, and finalized Jiles’ adoption just this year on National Adoption Day.

It started after a few years of marriage, when Brandi and Daniel saw a commercial about finding Iowa kids permanent homes.

“We started checking into it, and just figured that God has a different plan for us,” Brandi said.

The two were approved as foster parents and eventually adopted each of their five children: Tailey, 10; Ellie, 8; Addisen, 5; Malia, 3; and Jiles.

UPS AND DOWNS

Before adopting their kids, Lantzes had previously fostered two other children, who were reunited by the state with their siblings. It was good for the kids, but “heart-wrenching” to experience, Brandi said.

Then when Tailey was 4½ months old she came to Brandi and Daniel, with a few twists in store for the three. After some time with the couple, the state sent Tailey back to live with her biological grandparents. Tailey then returned to the Lantzes, and the parental rights were terminated.

But before her adoption was finalized, the Lantzes learned her biological mother was expecting another child, and agreed to take home Ellie as well.

Brandi was in the delivery room when Ellie was born — and Tailey’s adoption was court-approved when Ellie was less than a month old.

The day before Thanksgiving in 2011, Brandi got a call from the girls’ biological mother again. Two days later, Brandi was in a delivery room to welcome Addisen, who the Lantzes also adopted.

Malia joined the Lantzes as a foster child, and was adopted as well. Most recently, the Lantzes welcomed Malia’s half-brother Jiles to the family.

After processing through four adoptions, waiting with Jiles felt very different, Brandi and Daniel said.

Like Tailey, the state tried to re-unify him with his biological family twice, but it didn’t work out.

“With Jiles, it was harder, like Tailey’s, because he was going back and forth, and dealing with that everyday for me was kind of hard. You don’t know if he’s coming back home,” Daniel said.

“It’s hard sometimes to see what the children have to go through,” Brandi said. “Sometimes you don’t agree with what maybe DHS is suggesting, but you have to go along with it and hope for the best.”

To finally have the paperwork in hand: “Relief. It’s a bunch of relief,” Brandi said. “We just got his birth certificate in the mail the other day, and it’s like ‘OK, we have this now. Now we have the birth certificate that has our names and his new name.'”

“We don’t have to worry about him leaving,” Daniel added.

CELEBRATING WHAT’S NEXT

Family courtrooms are not typically a place of celebration. But on Nov. 17, more than 20 children were adopted into new homes in the Black Hawk County Courthouse as part of the county’s National Adoption Day celebration — and the Lantz family was finally able to adopt Jiles on Daniel’s birthday.

The Lantzes finalized each of the girls’ adoptions locally, Daniel said, but with Jiles, the family decided to make the trip to Waterloo so the kids could experience the celebration.

“We had a busy day that day — it was crazy,” Daniel said. “I kind of wanted to see it, too, myself. It was a really cool experience, you don’t see it everyday.”

“That’s the only thing they do that day in the courtroom,” Brandi said. “The day of the adoption, you go in — you’re sworn in.”

“They tell you, ‘This child is going to have all rights that a biological child would have, and are you prepared for that?'” she added.

Since they first became foster parents, Brandi and Daniel learned more about the need for families to provide a home for kids — so they started talking. Brandi invited Iowa KidsNet to speak to her Charles City moms’ support group.

“There aren’t enough foster families. We did get calls that we said no to. We had talked about ages we’d want to take in,” Brandi said. “We’d get calls for older kids, and with our family we just felt it wasn’t a good fit.

“You have to think about your current family as much as you think about the kids that you’re helping. too. If it’s not a good fit for your family, it’s not going to be a good fit for that child coming into your home,” she added. “You feel terrible saying no, but it has to be a balance.”

For the most part, patience and working with DHS case workers have helped the family adjust as they grew, Brandi and Daniel said.

“Voice concerns. I would rather say something and have it not matter that I said something, than wish I would have said something later,” Brandi said. “If you have a concern, say it.”

Keeping communication open is also important to the couple — and they have remained in touch with biological families through the foster process and now.

The family has prioritized spending time with their children’s other biological siblings, so they can see each other and keep connections.

“We try to keep that connection strong, so they know who they are,” Daniel said.

As each of their kids develop into their own, the family stays busy letting them dip into extracurriculars. So far, that’s meant dance, swim team, volleyball, Girl Scouts — Brandi has been a troop leader for two different troops — and 4-H.

In the midst of everything, the family is remodeling their home, and Brandi is finishing her teaching degree as she operates the salon.

“With the more kids you get, you realize a large house is no longer a large house,” Brandi said.

As the questions come day-by-day, the couple said, they will always be open with their kids about the adoption process.

“We don’t hide anything from them. If they ask a question we answer it, if it leads to more questions, OK,” Brandi said. “We try not to overwhelm them with information, but we’ll never lie to them.”

“It’s been a long journey. It’s worth it,” Daniel said.

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